Being accountable and responsible is important in becoming a creator of your own destiny.
This is true, however many people take responsibility for things that don’t belong to them and in doing so keep themselves and other people stuck.
People who take responsibility also often find it difficult to accept help from others and are often also fiercely independent.
Taking responsibility is a fantastic thing except when responsibility is taken for things that are not your responsibility, then it can become a problem.
Do you find your life is not your own?
Are you always doing things for others but seem to have no time for yourself?
Do you find yourself having to step in and help every time there’s a problem?
It’s also one of the reasons why the accountable and responsible among us are so often so busy.
It takes a step back by you to evaluate really what is actually your responsibility and to look at the long term effects of your taking responsibility behaviour.
Does it make you feel better?
Does it help you to feel in control?
Does letting go fill you with dread?
Does it actually help others in the long term or create a dependency which means you will inherit more responsibility to add to that which wasn’t yours anyway?
Sure we all want to help others, to be liked, to be regarded as nice people but often to really serve people in the long term is a better option for all concerned as well as to serve yourself.
It reminds me of the quote..
‘Feed a man to fish and you feed him for a day
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime’.
So when I say really serve them that could be.
Being love – not everyone is ready to do the work associated with taking control of their lives yet but love them anyway. It’s important to be love to yourself too.
Stand back and encourage them to do it for themselves. Do you need to stand back and encourage the other person to take responsibility?
Believe in them and not their story of can’t. Lots of people will tell you why they can’t do something, ask them what can they do? Do you need to believe in the other person so that they can believe in themselves?
Create some space. Do you need to create some space that the other person can step into? Often when we over help it can be overwhelming and there is no space for the person to step up.
You see often when we take responsibility for things that are someone else’s responsibility we don’t allow them the space to to step up for themselves.
They can’t step up until you step back.
Think about these alternatives. You could…
Stand side by side
Meet them as a peer
Be a supportive sidekick
Stand back just far enough to see if what you are doing is helping or hindering them
Stand back to see if it’s helping or hindering you
Elizabeth Gilbert Author or Eat, Pray, Love and Big Magic said ‘I am responsible for this soul alone’.
I believe that in all of our relationships there is no ownership, no power difference, no one better than anyone else, we only share space for moments of time.
If we show up completely and be with the person we share space with in the present moment with what is, not trying to change them but providing the space so that they can see the options and make informed choices, the whole experience, connection and time is far more magical.
The space becomes powerful and amazing things evolve from that space.
If you are taking responsibility for the other person in that space it’s unequal, has an unsafe dynamic and vulnerability Is difficult in those circumstances as its one sided.
One person is taking an expert role. Even in relationships with professionals or authority figures I believe that they are the expert by profession and that the other person is the expert by experience putting them on an equal level but coming from different perspectives.
Whether it’s a family member, a friend or someone you are supporting.
Instead be there for them
Believe in them not their story of can’t
Be with them in the present moment
So they can have the space to find their own way and the space to be themselves too.
It can be uncomfortable but it’s being present in the now to share the space.
You may be running into the future asking
What if they fall?
Ask yourself instead
What if they fly?
If you would benefit from sharing a powerful space contact Natashadavies@because-u-can.co.uk or call 07977595603