Sales and value – why it’s not in the item or service. Don’t get held to ransom by difficult buyers

Something that I learnt from selling items is that you can highly value something whilst someone else can value it as worth very little. You can value something as worth very little and someone else can value it highly.

Occasionally someone will come along who values it as highly as you do. Your ideal buyer!

However this value has nothing to do with the item itself and is more related to the buyers mindset, need and priorities and resources.

Often people try to add value to an item or service and convince people of its value.

Convincing is not a good place to come from as if your are convincing you are yourself not believing it to be valuable enough. You may be being too passive and not certain enough or confident enough.

When people really want or need something, when it’s a priority for them they will buy it.

They may not even have the resources but they will find a way.

Resources can be created when the motivation is there. If a buyer has a lack mindset, or is more reactive to external forces or limited by internal forces such as difficulty in committing and making decisions they will not buy.

So in one of my business I have some items that I value highly and have made some high value sales.

I have other items that I don’t value so highly yet often receive extremely low offers from buyers.

I thank them for their interest and let them know that I appreciate their making an offer. I understand that their offer signifies what it’s worth to them right now and not what it is worth to someone else.

This is assertive. I value both their needs and my needs. I appreciate both their position and mine. There is mutual respect, openness and trust. I know their offer is not about me.

I applaud people asking. Putting themselves out there and making an offer. After all there is power in asking. Sometimes we meet somewhere in the middle. Sometimes their offer is way below even the middle of what I’m asking. When you ask you also have to be prepared to receive a no. Occasionally you may receive a yes. So asking is great!

I never take people’s offers personally or think that they are in any way associated to the value of an item or service. I see so many people personally attached to what other people say and do regarding their items and services. I see people getting frustrated and annoyed by people’s comments and opinions about their items and services.

Sales are much easier if you can let this stuff flow by. Understand that it’s not about you.

When selling items occasionally you may get a demanding buyer, who behaves aggressively and originally may seem to value and item then change their stance and devalue it.

These people are only interested in meeting their own needs usually at the expense of yours. This is aggressive, they may be quite manipulative in trying to get their own way or try to create fear or to be attached to being right. They may not be interested in communicating in a healthy balanced way.

This is where boundaries and evidence collection comes into play. Following procedure. These people are usually not very good at this.

They are reactive and rarely stick at lengthy processes. Its always good not to personally involve yourself with this type of buyer. You cannot please them so do not try. They can be very harmful to you and your business. So no direct contact is best if possible or an assertive response can be helpful too.

I often see this issue around landlord forums. Where tenants move in so purchase a tenancy everything seems great. Perfect tenants! Then they start sending lists of demands. Landlords often try to placate them by giving in to their demands but then the demands keep coming.

These people will deplete your resources and leave you feeling exhausted. Often in an attempt not to pay.

I currently have a buyer for 4 items who is using this aggressive and non communicative stance and thinks he has now got the items for free.

Nothing is ever free. It’s costing him a lot. Yet I am detached, and following procedures. I did leave him some honest feedback which didn’t go down very well.

Often these individuals will avoid the truth. I’ve screenshot some threats and these now form part of my appeal with this particular online marketplace. So every business gets these issues. It’s really how you deal with them that counts:

My impeccable politeness and courteousness is all there for the appeal to see. Sometimes I wonder if it’s my stability that brings these individuals into my awareness. In a kind of ‘my life is in chaos yours should be too’ way. Who knows? But I like my peace!

Originally this person was polite in his dealings yet quickly changed as soon as the items left my hands and were on their way to him. I am yet to receive them back. We will see what the appeal has to say. Whatever the outcome there will be a point to let it go and block this particular buyer.

I have come across these individuals in many walks of life and it’s always best not to play their game. They usually want a fight and these can be long and taxing. I find it’s often not about anything outside of this person but their internal self screaming out ‘I’m important!!’ And more important that you! Ego!

I could coach them but I doubt he would pay for that. Coaching is a high value item and they would not be my ideal client.

Often these people may have created some internal story about being taken advantage of in some way even though that may not be happening in the outside world. So they lash out at anyone and everyone. They often will leave you feeling confused. Yes they are hurt people but they are often not ready to heal.

They have lots of inner work to do but are totally unprepared to do it, so I usually leave them to their life lessons. While I focus on my own business.

When the right buyer shows up they will often just buy the item with very few questions asked where other buyers considering the item will ask lots of questions around sizes, do you deliver, condition etc. This is helpful in reading a persons commitment when it comes to purchasing.

There is a buyer for everything and it’s up to the seller to hold the value of that item. If i you don’t value it, you will bend to buyer demands and that’s usually a slippery slope and where things can go wrong. Especially if you come across the ‘I am important’ buyer above.

In any transaction there is a balancing of needs. It’s easier if each person can appreciate the other persons needs. There is trust and valuing of each persons time and commitment. There is courtesy, politeness and understanding. So assertive, open and communicative people often make the most joyful buyers.

People show up and value each other. There is sometimes negotiation but this is from an equal place especially where buyers are also sellers.

Sometimes buyers can see the value of an item or seem to, then they purchase the item then experience buyers remorse or change their mind.

Sometimes buyers will say I’m going to have to run it past someone else. When this happens you will usually never hear from these buyers again as they are not the decision maker and the decision maker may not value the item or service as the person did.

Again it’s all down to the persons mindset, what they value, priorities, resources.

So when selling anything keep an eye on where people are coming from




Passive aggressive

Also if a buyer is trying to reduce prices or making demands up front. Walk away!

Buying and selling is a conversation a negotiation not a hostage situation.

Don’t get held to ransom! And if you do! No contact! and keep working on your own business

If you would like to discuss any of the issues in this blog further. Contact me


Because U Can

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