Deferred Happiness – 10 ways you are sabotaging your own joy

Have you ever thought to yourself or said to others ‘I’ll be happy when I have ………….’ Whether that is money, relationships, careers or goals. Are you chasing something. Do you feel there is an area of your life you are not successful in yet? Does that hold you back?
Yet when you say this and think like this you are deferring your happiness for a later date. Then you may wonder to yourself why you feel so unhappy. I mean most of your life may be great. You should feel happy right?
When you do finally receive that money, relationship or career you will most likely then want something else too. So you will defer that happiness again.
Happiness is an inside job which can be constant regardless of the outside conditions. Happiness and joy can be experienced every single day. It’s a way of being and it makes it a lot easier to receive what you want when you aren’t getting in your own way.
As human beings it may feel that you are never truly satisfied. You will always have wants and needs. So how do you enjoy being happy now while also creating more for yourself?
Here are 10 ways you may be sabotaging your own happiness and making it difficult to create changes in your life.
  1. Future pacing – you live your life in the future. You say often ‘one day’ I’ll do….. ‘one day’ I will be….. Yet one day is always in the future and tomorrow never comes. People who grow and create….start now!
  2. Forgetting gratitude – you miss out on being grateful for what you have. Because you are future paced you are always running towards what you want rather than appreciating what you have. Gratitude is a daily practice that can be life changing by itself. Start your gratitude practice.
  3. You forget to slow down – life moves fast for those who are future paced. You may say ‘where has the time gone? You may feel that you haven’t accomplished nearly enough. Yet you spend your time in the future always in need of more. Be present and enjoy the journey. Enjoy the now! Be consistent and creative every day. Show up for yourself as you show up for others.
  4. You forget to look back to see how far you have come – the past is gone but it’s great to look back now and then to see how far you have come. How have you changed? What growth have you experienced? What have you created? Again what are you grateful for? Appreciate that. Celebrate that! Daily!
  5. You have no clarity – what are the details. Create space alone to work on these. you may know you want money but how much? By when? You may know you want a relationship but with who? What characteristics and values do they have? You may know you want a new career but what would that entail? What field? Level of responsibility? When you change your life you need to know what success looks like, feels like, sounds like. What do you want to create? People usually focus on what they don’t want and then create more of that. You have to know where you are going to know what action to take to get there.
  6. Chasing shiny pennies – you may feel you are procrastinating. Your attention is easily shifted and you may be reacting to the world around you. You have no focus because you have no clarity. Making it difficult to concentrate on creating what you want and enjoying happiness while you take that journey. Know what you want and work out the individual steps to get there. Then take them. Work on that everyday.
  7. Not feeling good enough – sometimes even when you get what you want you may sabotage it. You may feel you don’t deserve it. You don’t feel good enough for it or that you will only ruin it later, so you convince yourself that it’s best not to have it in the first place. I mean no one likes disappointment and people tend to avoid pain right? Best to stay in that comfort zone. This all keeps you stuck. You create fear with your thinking. Don’t think just start.
  8. Feeling like a fraud or imposter syndrome – you may feel that when you get it that it’s just not you. That you are a fraud and will get found out. You may worry and get anxious about being exposed. Yet others see you as very capable and skilled. Your perception of yourself is different and you create a self fulfilling prophecy where you never give your best or aren’t completely confident in yourself. Uncertainty and growth is all part of the process of getting what you want. Expanding can be uncomfortable but again the way you are thinking is creating this.
  9. Comparing yourself to others – comparing yourself to others whether physically or even of where they are on their own journey won’t help you to create your success or help you to be happy. Everyone’s journey is different and not everyone will understand yours and that’s ok. Believing in yourself helps and knowing what you want and why it’s important to you. So focus on building yourself up rather than comparing.
  10. Listening to other people’s opinions or advice – taking on board other people’s opinions as facts. Listening to people who operate from a place of fear or have a lack mindset. Small minded people can kill your dreams if you let them. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone and ask yourself ‘what authority does this person have to tell me what to do?’ Quite often they don’t have any but may be trying to control their own internal worry or uncertainty. Surround yourself with open, present and growth oriented people. Those who can share space and expansive conversations with you about your goals and be open to learning from those conversations. To grow you have to let go of knowing. This is easier to do with people you can trust to be interested in your growth. Give yourself permission to be happy and create what’s important to you other people can create what’s important to them. Whatever that may be.
Happiness is always available to you. Gratitude and presence are always available to you. Confidence is always available to you. Stop sabotaging yourself and start creating the life you deserve
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